Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
