it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
His nipple licking is glorious
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