why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
