just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm sobbing to NWA
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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