toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So many bounce houses so little time
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
