so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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