im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
