I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
you never un-have a 4some
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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