We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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