she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
