But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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