sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you traded sex for a burrito?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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