your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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