Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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