this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
