It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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