C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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