i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
