i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
