Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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