The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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