Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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