I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I have tasted many bathrooms
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
