I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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