But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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