I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
