I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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