So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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