I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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