we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Bring me that man meat
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
