She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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