I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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