Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
