My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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