Plan B is the new Plan A
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
