I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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