This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
