there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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