id be glad to
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
