1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I cockslap morals
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
