between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
