dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
