life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
