when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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