Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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