he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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