Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
