please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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