i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
