it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
