youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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