I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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