i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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