Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Who died my cat blue again?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
