you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
