I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
