kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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