Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
