I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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