his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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