You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My underwear smells like fireworks.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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