fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
