Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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