You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
