Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
