i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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