I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm like, not good at living.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
