Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
