I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
