I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
