I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
