I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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